This Crazy Feeling

     Being in love with someone you can’t have, it’s hard. There is a guy in my life and I have never felt this way about another person before. Unfortunately, I’m pretty positive he doesn’t want to actually date me, he is cool with being friends, possibly “friends with benefits” which I game for which I know is stupid as hell considering how strong my feelings for him are but I can’t help it. I would do almost anything for this boy, especially if it means being closer to him. He knows how I feel about him and he has even said that we shouldn’t do anything but I can’t help how much I want him. Not to mention, I really don’t have a lot of will power to say no to him, especially if I think it would make him happy in any form of the word, or to put a smile on his face. I absolutely love his smile.

     The hardest part for me is that I see him a bunch because he is my best friend and every time I see him or talk to him I find something new that I fall for and think is just absolutely awesome and it just makes me smile on the inside. I always told him it was friendship, although I have no problem putting aside my feelings to just hang out with him, like that’s not a big deal in the slightest. I don’t know, it’s weird but because I feel bad talking about it to him because I know he doesn’t normally want to talk about it but I just want to let it all out so I figured what a better way to do so then on a blog. Everything is complicated about my brain so to whoever is reading this, don’t try to understand you won’t be able to, I just want to get out everything I like about him.

      I love watching him play softball, he is so cute when he gets competitive and the way he takes it so seriously is actually kind of sexy. I also kind of hate it because he gets so down on himself and I just want to give him a hug and a kiss and tell him that he is playing amazingly but I can’t do that and it kind of sucks. I love when he laughs and he always shrugs his shoulders and sticks his tongue out a little bit and then laugh pretty quietly. He is always playing with his nose, which I know he is self-conscious about but I think it is perfect just like the rest of him. When he is cheering on his team and something good happens he always says “Whoa!” and then claps his hands twice and it is super cute. I love when he gets really concentrated on something, the look on his face, I just can’t even help but smile. He refuses to look up when he is concentrated and leaves his mouth like half open and is completely focused on whatever he is doing. His lips, oh my god, his lips. When I first kissed him, I couldn’t believe how much I loved his lips, I was actually surprised at how full his lips are but I definitely was not and have never complained because when they are on my lips all I want to do is kiss him more and more. When he wraps his arms around me, I feel safe; like everything bad in the world has just disappeared and that nothing could ever hurt me again. It’s almost like an invincible feeling and I could just stay there forever. He is so comfortable to cuddle with too, and now because of him, I just want to cuddle all the time. I would love to just sit and watch movies in his arms all day, I wouldn’t even care what movies as long as I was wrapped in his arms, and I would be golden. I love it when we snapchat. He is really terrible at taking pictures because he doesn’t know how to use light, but I don’t even mind. Because I know how much he hates taking pictures, especially of himself, so the fact that he does it for me, I love it! I love getting to put my fingers through his hair, he hates having it long but I think he looks so sexy with long hair. But then again, he looks so sexy no matter how his hair is cut. I know he likes it short but he looks just as good when he cuts it, although he won’t ever agree on how sexy he is.  I also love that he makes me laugh and I can’t help but smile around him. Whenever I see him, but heart jumps into my throat and the adrenaline starts pumping through my body, especially if I see him unexpectedly. Normally if I know I am going to see him, I do pretty ok, but when we just run into each other, I can’t help but be fidgetey. He has no problem throwing jokes in my face and being an asshole to me and he doesn’t have a problem when I’m a bit of a bitch to him back and we tease each other like no other. We have a lot of stupid arguments that go nowhere and mean nothing, but they kind of mean everything to me. I guess just the fact that we have the same old conversations all the time and we still have them and don’t get bored of each other or anything like that, it means a lot to me. I like to listen to him talk about anything really. It’s really cute when goes off on sports because his eyes just light up and you can tell that he is truly passionate about it. It’s especially funny when I try to argue basketball with him and just gets so passionate about it. He compliments me and was the first guy to ever really make me want to act and be girly. He has always been completely honest with me and that means more than absolutely anything in the world to me and he actually shows that he cares; he even did so from 11 hours away which I know that entire situation wasn’t easy. He makes me feel special and I know how hard it is for him to show a soft side in general so when he does it for me, I think it’s amazing and I would never take it for granted, which I hope he knows.  He makes me feel absolutely comfortable around him like I could tell him absolutely anything and I have told him pretty much everything, even things that I have never told anyone else before in my entire life and knowing I can trust him like that, it’s kind of the best feeling ever.  He supports me in whatever I do and I wouldn’t have made it through the last couple of months without him. And there is sooo much more that makes me so attracted to him and to find him so amazing!
     So yea, I’m in love. I never want to experience my life without him and it’s a weird and complicated situation, maybe not as complicated as I think, maybe it’s just me making my own life difficult. But I know how I feel about him and how I would do pretty much anything to make him happy. I don’t expect him to feel the same, at this point, I‘m not entirely sure how he feels about me, but that’s ok. We are both young and where ever this happens to takes us, I know it’s going to work out how it’s supposed to and that’s what is important.  And if nothing else I am so happy that he is even in my life and wants to remain there even if it is just as my friend. I would rather have in my life as my best friend then not in my life at all. I don’t know, like I said, it’s a weird complicated thing but its whatever at this point, I just needed to gush about this boy a little bit.

Go Easy On Yourself

     I feel a little sheltered because, I have always know that eating disorders are major problem for both men and women, I have also always known  that a lot of young people feel pressured by society to look and act a certain way. I don’t know if it just wasn’t as big of an issue in my town, or if I just didn’t give enough fucks to notice but I’m finding myself exposed to these blogs and everything I am just angry about it. There are a few different things I want to go over on this so bear with me if it doesn’t make a lot of sense, it’s a rant so maybe it will, and maybe it won’t but either way, it’s probably going to be a little long…sorry.

      I don’t care who you are, where you come from, anything about you, you do not have to look or act a certain way unless you want too. I hate it when someone tells me to just ‘be myself’ because frankly sometimes I don’t want to be myself, there are some days when I would give everything to not be me, so fuck yea, if that’s how I’m feeling, I may not act like my natural self for a day. That’s fine, I don’t see anything wrong with that, sometimes you just need to get away from yourself and that’s fine. Or you may not know who you are yet and that’s fine too. Granted I will say my little warning label on this, don’t forget that just because you aren’t acting like yourself, that doesn’t mean your actions won’t affect what you’re doing. Example: you want to act slutty for a day or something, fine go ahead but if you go all out and have sex with some random guy at a party, that’s still going to be a thing the next day once you’re not being slutty anymore. Also if you don’t want to be slutty don’t judge other people who are. Yea, I agree I don’t want to see that but at the end of the day, I will admire that people confidence because my idea of flirting with a guy is hitting him in the arm and calling him bro. So if someone is acting all slutty, unless they are all up on your significant other, don’t hate. However if they are all up on your significant other, feel free to punch a bitch. But also reevaluate your significant other situation if they are falling for someone’s slutty act.

     You do not have to look a certain way. With the exceptions of identical twins (sometimes), no two people will ever have the same body, ever! And I know it’s hard, trust me, I struggle with it on a daily basis, but you just have to accept your body for all of its beauty, because I promise it is beautiful.  I’ll be honest, I am a girl who last weighed in at 195lbs after spending my entire high school career over 200lbs. Along with those 195lb I have stretch marks on not only my stomach but my thighs and boobs and a “leg gap” has been out of the question for me since I started playing hockey, cause I got me some hockey legs. And I think I am gorgeous! Some days I don’t, some days I look at myself and I see all these flaws and everything about me that could be seen as “gross” or “not normal” and on those days I just like to curl up and watch movies, but I always make sure to put on my favorite pair of yoga pants and my favorite tank and remind myself that I have a great ass or something like that. And that’s what you should do to, do whatever you have to do to make yourself feel awesome, whether it be admiring your ass in yoga pants or putting on your favorite push-up bra that makes you feel a little perkier (mentally). Its ok not to always feel awesome about yourself but know, It’s not about how much you weigh or what society thinks is beautiful, it’s about what you think is beautiful and what makes you feel good. I know you hear/read this all the time but seriously, it’s true; all the stupid cliché sayings normally are so you might as well accept it now.

As a general note, I know I said that if you want to do something, do it, however I feel like I need to make a disclaimer saying that if you feel like not eating for any length of time longer them a couple of hours, don’t do that. Fuel your body and it will do great things for you

      Also and this is kind of important for everyone to maybe be aware of because only parents will tell you this but it’s true. It is totally ok to be a virgin. Society doesn’t like to talk about it but if you haven’t had sex yet and you’re in high school or even college, it’s not that big of a deal. You maybe from a small town where it seems like everyone has done it, but I promise there are people who haven’t and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. For girls and boys remember, it’s your body and you get to decide what to do with it and you are also the one who has to live with the choices you make, not your friends, not your family, you. That includes who you have sex with, when you have sex with them, what you eat, how you act, how you look, everything. So whatever you do choose to do with your body, make sure that at the end of the day you can live with your choices.

     I know that my writing doesn’t always make sense so I apologize but here you go. I am a firm believer that everyone goes through the same problems regardless of gender, race etc. So I hope this helps in some way to know you’re not alone. Growing up is hard, it sucks and it doesn’t get easier in the slightest and I don’t think it ever will, you just get better with time. But since growing up is so hard, go easy on everyone, you are all going through the same thing so just go easy on other people, but most of all remember to go easy on yourself too.

Things change...Life doesn't stop for anybody

When I was 17 I made a choice. I made the simple yet life-changing choice about what college I wanted to attend. My only goal in mind when I was 17 was to get as far away from Havre, Montana as I could. Although at the same time I knew I didn’t want to go too far away. After all, I am a huge mama’s girl and I’ll always be small-town so I wasn’t ready to go too far away yet. I knew I wanted to study the craft of acting because it is the only thing I ever seriously considered doing with my life. So I choose to go to The University of North Dakota in Grand Forks. It is an 11 hour drive from my home town and in all reality it was a world away from my old life. But without even visiting I decided that was where I wanted to get my college education from.

In high school I had a reputation for being scary. I had a few solid friends but nothing ever really concrete, other then the three girls I always hung out with all I really had were people I talked to in each class and then some people who I had gotten to know through plays and my hockey teammates but I don’t know if I would ever consider most of them friends. Every single one of those people knew that if and when needed, I could totally kick there ass. It was my fault people thought of me this way, so I never really complained, when I was younger that was how I wanted it. The more people fear you the less they actually try to get to know you, the last thing I wanted was for someone to actually get to know me so it suited everyone. So I walked around high school being an overly-opinionated bitch that no one wanted to mess with, and it worked.

However, once I graduated I knew I wouldn’t make it in college if I went into it with that attitude again, so I tried to start to change. It didn’t really work until I actually got to UND and started living with strangers and I had no idea what I was doing. I just tried to do the basics and live day to day. I made myself game for just about everything, I even went to frat parties. I mean I was the awkward one sitting in on the wall on my phone, but I forced myself to do in hopes that I could find something new. And I did. Over the course of my freshman year in college I became more open; not only about my past but about the issues I was having trouble with in the present. I found that there were people who I could trust and naturally there were always going to be the bitches that start drama, who I avoided with a sick passion. I also learned that I have am the queen of the friend zone when it came to guys because I’m too awkward to have sex appeal. But all of that was ok. I am a human being and I am hugely flawed but it’s a work in progress to hopefully one day accept those flaws.

I even had my first experience with heartbreak that February. A guy from high school(who I had always been pretty good friends with) told me that he has liked me since freshman year in high school and I had always liked him, unfortunately he decided that it was best if we are just friends, and that roller-coaster relationship is still driving me nuts a year later(as I think I’ve mentioned I few times). But despite that hurt, I didn’t push him away as I had always done and I didn’t close myself off, I actually cried about it and found comfort in my friends who were there for me, which was an entirely new experience for me all together. But it was nice; it was so amazing to not have to be the strong and to finally have some people who I could share bits and pieces of myself that I had kept hidden for so long.

Cue the curtains for my second year in college and I am still learning how to be a sharer, and I am getting ten times better at it if I do say so myself. But I was so ready to take on the year and show the UND Theatre department that what they had to miss out on last year without casting me. It took sometime but I gained even more friends through my time in the actual Theatre classes and I have gained some really awesome friends who I hope to have in my life for a long time. I have even made plans to actually get off campus and live in a house/apartment together next year.

However, I am at a dilemma again because with my second year was supposed to have my audition for the acting program at UND. Unfortunately for me they have decided to suspend the acting program and so the degree I want goes out the window.  So I am at a loss. The choice I make this time could be another life-changing event and odds are it will be. But with so many options I don’t even know what I want anymore. I won’t ever regret my time at UND, I have changed so much and for the better since I came here but I can’t decide if now it is time to open a new chapter in my life or keep writing the one that is in progress.  It was so much easier when I was 17, I knew exactly what I wanted and I didn’t care enough about anyone to take in to account their opinions on what I should do, but now there are people I care about and I know I need to do what’s best for me, but I can’t shake the feeling that I might never see some really awesome people ever again. Now that I’m 19 my priorities have changed and I’m not even sure what they are anymore. Seeing as I have never been in this position before, I don’t what to do. I know I’ll figure it out eventually but right now it just seems to be a source of stress and confusion in my life. But I guess at the end of the day I am just going to have to make a choice and see where it takes. Hopefully no matter what I do I can have another great/life-changing experience that I had when I was 17. 

My Mind Can Be A Terrible Place

Do you ever have the thought process that no matter whom it is or what kind of a relationship you have, they are using you for something? Yea kind of becoming the story of my life. It doesn’t matter who it is, how long I’ve known them, whatever, I just can’t do it, I can’t trust them. I know where it comes from, I know how it all started and I want to change so badly but I just can’t. Part of my problem is, is that despite the nice act I put on about how “I’m kind of a big deal” I can’t fathom how anyone actually wants to be friends with me. I don’t know…I just can’t do it. I mean yea, I think I’m awesome most days. I’m funny and I’m one of those girls who is awkward and weird and has “great personality” that I never show, to anyone. At least not that often. But really, I'm a sarcastic asshole to just about everyone. So rarely do people see the awesome sides of me, because it’s easier to put on this front about how amazing I am then have to deal with putting myself out there. I’m told a lot of people feel that way, but I feel like it’s just me most of the time. I consider myself an acquired taste, how anyone, other than my family members, has been able to stand to be around me long enough to start to enjoy my presence, I have no idea.  So I have this trust problem and I can’t seem to find one redeeming quality about myself today other than my sense of humor, that seems to be in short supply today.

The main problem I am having right now is that there is a guy who I have known for quite some time and I’ve liked him on and off since like freshman year in high school, and I try to most of the time stay positive about everything that goes on between us. I like to think we are honest with each other, at least I know I’ve never lied to him. Most of the time I try to go around and be happy that he has told me he likes me too and that we are taking baby steps to maybe being in a relationship one day (whether that will ever be a thing I have no idea, it’s just something I try to use to reassure myself that I’m not setting myself up to get hurt) But then there are days, like today, where I sit and think and question everything that is going on and has gone on between us and I come back to the conclusion that I have no idea if he is being honest with me because I can’t seem to find one worthwhile quality in myself that someone could actually be attracted to, that isn’t a physical attribute. Part of me wants to ask him and right as I am getting the balls to do so that awesome part of my brain chimes in again saying “It’s easy to lie over a text message” And then I’m right back at square one. I want to trust him, I do, because I have feelings for him and when I talk to him, not trusting him, doesn’t even begin to cross my mind, but then he always falls asleep before me and I’m left alone with my thoughts for the rest of the night and trust me, thoughts are killer. And then I factor in that we have only ever told each other how we feel and been all cute and awesome with words, over text message and part of me wants to think that with the given circumstances that’s normal, but not my brain no! Granted we did kiss a couple of times and we cuddled and watched a movie together, but my brain always finds ulterior motives for everything and it is honestly driving me freaking nuts and I don’t know what to do or anything because I’m just at a loss with him right now. I guess it shouldn’t be my top priority right now. I have got a billion other things to do and this one guy is 11 hours away from me right now and will continue to be for the next 2 months but I can’t help it. Trust me, if I could stop my brain of thinking I would.

Oh...How You've Been Missed

          I have been playing softball since I was old enough to swing a bat. My mom played, my sisters played, I played, it was a family thing we all got involved in and for the most part I had a pretty good time. I played percussion from the sixth grade through tenth grade for my school band and I absolutely loved it, mostly it was the people that really made band for me, especially in high school, but I did love playing the instrument as well. Now you may be asking yourself, how do these things have anything to do with each other? For me, they are both things I quit before the time had come for me to be ‘too hold’. They are also both things that I forgot how much I loved, missed and actually cared about.

          Like I said, softball was a family thing and I’ve played for longer than I can remember. I have always been a pretty good player, with all those years of experience I gained some really decent skills. I’m a boss at in fielding, I can do outfield, but I’m not awesome at it(too much running) and once I get used to it and if I don’t sike myself out, I’m a decent batter(not so much slow-pitch, but fast-pitch I like to think I’m much better at it). Unfortunately for me, Havre City League Fastpitch is dominated by one family, and if you’re not a part of that family, well you’re basically boned! I think you can take a wild guess that I’m not a part of that family. For the most part I dealt with it, I mean you just kind of get used to it after a while, but one year I kind of let them get to me. See, the mother of that family went out of her way to ask my mom if I would join the traveling team, and I figured ‘why not? Don’t have anything better to do.’ After joining, paying, practicing and everything, working just as hard as every one of my teammates and being just as good if not better than some of them, I sat the bench.  It wasn’t even I sat the bench for one game and then I got to play; nope I sat the bench for two whole tournaments. Needless to say, I didn’t rejoin the team again the next year, although every year the same woman went out of her way to ask my mom to try and get me to play that year…no thanks. If that didn’t piss me off enough, the favoritism this family played for each other ended up ruining the entire league, no one wanted to play because there was always the one team that was completely stacked and every other team was bad. Then the one year they apparently didn’t realize they stacked another team more than their own; they canceled the city tournament basically because they knew they weren’t going to win. That was my last year playing, granted I will say that it was also the summer before my senior year, but I still could have played the summer after as well, but it was just a big joke so why bother?

          This past summer, I played again. One of my friends needed a girl to fill in on this co-ed slow pitch softball tournament so I figured why not? I didn’t have anything better to do that weekend, and I don’t mind helping out a friend. So I went, I played, we lost (a lot) but it was a good time. I had forgotten how much I loved softball thanks to city league being such shit, but playing again, even on a losing team, I still had a relatively good time. I also filled in for another team who was short girls and that wasn’t as fun, their head player was an asshole, but I still had a fun time playing. I ended up playing in a badball tournament later that summer. Badball is softball but you run the bases backwards, you are put on completely random teams (drawn out of a hat), and then your positions are pulled out of a hat as well. That was a real blast! It sucked because I ended up playing outfield a lot, which we covered I’m bad at, but I still had a good time, not to mention I had a good team. My sister and my friend (the one I helped out on the first tournament) were on the same team; yea my team kicked their team’s ass! I had a really good, positive team the first day and for the most part on the second day, although on the second day they were all hungover so we ended up losing out, but it was still a good time. But I forgot how much I loved softball and I might actually have to thank my friend for helping me remember how much I do love the sport (although, I’ll never give him that satisfaction to his face, he’ll have to read this, so I think I’m good).

          As far as percussion goes, here is the short story. I started playing percussion (drums) when I was in sixth grade, I originally started playing because a boy I liked said he was going to (please note, he lied to me). After playing them for a while, I actually really enjoyed playing them. I was so prepared to be a full-fledged band geek all through high school. This changed when I met David Johnke, the high school band director. David is a trumpet player, who spent most of my freshman year letting the current juniors and seniors teach the younger kids how to play. Then sophomore year he decided to have two different percussion classes, advanced and intermediate. Upperclassmen were advanced, lowerclassmen were intermediate and I personally didn’t really learn anything from Johnke that year. All he did was get mad at me because my pinkies naturally stick out and they were supposed to curve in, although that never effected my playing in any sense of the word. Then he would get mad at me when I would state my opinion on things, granted I was kind of a smart ass sometimes, but I never felt that I crossed the line and I think if I had I probably would have gotten in to more trouble, but I didn’t so I think I’m good. However, I always just felt like he was just rude to me. He was one of those teachers who picked favorites and I wasn’t one of them. He would get mad at me when I would point out the obvious and I always felt like he was extremely unprofessional when it came to dealing with me. Like I said, I was kind of a dick sometimes and instead of ignoring me like a teacher should, or dealing with it in another manner, he turned into a teenager and tried to be all ‘cool’ about it. Frankly he became just as big of a dick as I was being (is this an everywhere music teacher thing?). I have never really been one to quit things but at the end of my sophomore year, I quit band and discovered that when he realized I was quitting Johnke was much nicer to me, but it was too late to make me come back. Now that I am in college, I am realizing that since I don’t have to deal with this asshole anymore, that maybe I can get involved more in the things I used to love.  Next semester I am joining the university band in hopes of finding a band director who isn’t trying to relive his glory days. I have seen how much fun the people in band have here at UND, and I remember how much fun band used to be for me. Watching them and listening to them makes me miss percussion, so I really hope this whole thing works out for me.

           I guess the moral of this long post, is to never give up what you love. Although there may be people who suck and make it hard to be involved, don’t forget what you love and don’t give up on it. Hopefully it all works out for me and I can somehow get more involved in softball here at UND and the band thing works out too, because I really do love those things and I am passionate and I care about them. So if there is something you are passionate or care about, don’t forget it because of assholes, go for it anyway.

Be A Decent Human Fucking Being

                As I have previously stated when talking about Jonah Mowry, I hate it when people only take notice of one person being bullied or hurt in any way shape or form when one person make national coverage. THIS IS RIDICULOUS !!!!! I have come across this at least twice since I started college this semester and it is driving me absolutely nuts. The first off is National Suicide Awareness Day and when Amanda Todd committed suicide. Just to point out right now SOMEONE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO DIE FOR THE NATION TO TAKE NOTICE!!

                When it comes to National Suicide Awareness Day which was in September, everyone writes the word ‘love’ on their arms to signify that they support those affected by suicide. I am all for this concept of supporting people who have contemplating suicide or who have been affected by suicide. However, I saw some girls on my Facebook who had made their profile pictures the pictures of the writing on their arms and I became angry.

                These girls, who shall remain nameless, are spending one day of the year with the word love of their arms because they like to think they make a difference. The problem with this is that the other 364 days in the year these are the girls who are mean to everyone, who walk around like they are above everyone else for whatever reason.  I hate these people because if you really want to make a difference in the life of someone contemplating suicide don’t sit and judge everyone, don’t be a bitch to everyone.  Seriously, it doesn’t take a lot to be a decent human being, all it takes it just the smallest amount of work from you. In all reality, all you need to do is live your life and not be mean. I’m not even saying you have to be super nice, just don’t be a dick. It’s not that hard, I promise.

                As I have previously stated, I haven’t always been the nicest person around, occasionally I can be a big old bitch but it is my sincerest hope that people in my life realize, I have only ever went out with the intent to hurt someone two times in my life, and that the rest of the time when I’m being a bitch, it’s never meant to hurt you and normally I’m just being sarcastic or trying to deal with my own feelings, because that is something I am terrible at. I apologize to anyone who I have ever hurt, because I know what it’s like to get hurt by my peers and it sucks, so I am truly sorry if I have ever done that to someone.  But I can also say, as someone who has thought about and tried to commit suicide that all it would have taken for me to change my mind was hearing from someone that they cared about me. That was all I needed and I didn’t get that at the time when I needed it. Luckily for me, I stopped myself and there hasn’t been a day since that I have regretted my decision to continue my life. But seriously, how hard is it to just text/Facebook/call someone who seems to be having a bad day and tell them that you care, to listen to them, to just make sure they are ok. It’s not difficult.

                Next point, Amanda Todd, a 15 year old girl who was bullied for a mistake she made when she was younger and this bulling lead to her eventual suicide. Just like Jonah Mowry, I am not in any way trying to be disrespect to this girl’s memory and my thoughts go out to her family. However, all of these people are now coming out in support of this girl. Where was this when she was alive? She had posted a YouTube video telling her story, but nobody seemed to do anything for her until she was dead.

                What does that say about us as a society, that the people in her life, the kids at her school, were willing to persecute this girl for one mistake she made as a kid? Seriously think about it. As I previously stated it doesn’t take much to be a decent human being, but if there had just been one kid, one parent, one something that would have been willing to be a little bit more than a decent human being, it could have saved this girl’s life.  But no, everyone is so wrapped up in their own little world, that they refuse to take notice until she died, that is pathetic in my eyes and honestly makes me disappointed in society.

                Now I am not saying I am perfect, or that I am more than a decent person 100% of the time, but now a days, I would never go out with the intent to hurt someone and I hope that I can teach that decency to my own children when I have them, I hope you will do the same. I also challenge you to go out and just smile in acknowledgement of other people, just be nice. I know you have your own problems and concerns, and you may be stressed beyond belief, but just flash a smile to someone while you’re walking to work, or on your morning jog or in class. If nothing else, studies show that if you force yourself to smile, it is more likely that you will feel a little bit happier. So it’s a win-win situation that takes like zero effort from you. If you seriously can’t do even that, just go out and don’t be a dick for an entire day, don’t say anything mean to anyone and just be passive, even that would be better then hurting someone else.

My Generation

              Before we start, I want to tell you right now this probably has nothing to do with what you think it does. That being said, let’s talk about My Generation, the Musical Concert event that was put on as the Spring Show in March of 2012 by The University of North Dakota’s Theatre Department. If I had to compare this to something it would probably be North Dakota’s version of Glee, part of me wants to leave it at that, but of course the other more dominating part of me is going to tell you more.

                I honestly thought that it was actually a really good production overall. There was a group of about 16 girls and boys helped build the show on the songs that the director, Emily Cherry, choose. They did songs from all sorts of genres, the following be a list of songs that they did (as far as I can remember)

1. Tonight’s Gonna Be a Good Night

2. Soul Sister/No One Mash-up

3. The Lazy Song

4. Cowboy Casanova

5. Sexy and I Know It

6. Facebook Song

7. Gravity

8. We Are Young

9. 21 Guns

10. Set Fire to The Rain

11. Born This Way

12. The Song of Purple Summer

13. Stereo Hearts

14. Not Over You

                These songs are not in order but I’ll give you the overview on my opinion on them. First off my favorite song was probably 21 Guns. It had this intense performance that just really went with the lyrics and it was just awesome basically. Tonight’s Gonna Be a Good Night, it was a good song, but I didn’t really like the choreography to it but it wasn’t bad once the entire cast was in it together. We Are Young was pretty awesome, my only critique would be that it almost seemed too staged but it was good. Born This Way was the finale and it was pretty awesome, they went full Gaga and got some pretty crazy costumes going and everything so that was all pretty cool and Stereo Hearts was intense because they stomped the yard in the choreography which was awesome! I think they sped it up too much to go with the stomping but the guy who was rapping along with it couldn’t quite keep up, so if I would have suggested slowing it down just a smidge. The song of Purple Summer was a fantastic song, I think it has a great message and it was really intense and just well done.

                All of those songs were done with the entire singing and on stage. The Solos were Facebook Song, which is from YouTube and it was good, but I think that they were trying too hard to add more of an internet aspect and that is why this song got added and I wasn’t an overall fan of it. Gravity was absolutely amazing, it was sung by Daniella Lima (sweetest girl I have ever met!) and along with the song they had two dancers dancing along to it and it was just an overall beautiful song that I loved watching the performance of. Set Fire to the Rain was such an intense song, I think it was almost too intense, I liked it and thought it went well, but I think the singer was trying too hard to add intense emotions to it.  Then Not over you was a duet that I thought was interesting, I liked the song overall but I didn’t like how they made up this story to go along with it. It was the only song that made me feel like I was in a theatre watching a musical and I just didn’t think the story they put behind it fit with the show.

                Each gender had its own song, the females going for Cowboy Casanova and I think this one of those songs where they were once again trying to hard add variety to the show by putting in country. I also think that it should have been more of a female empowering song like the males got but it was still about this guy that screwed them all over (at least that’s what I got out of it). The Males tapped Sexy and I Know it for their number and it was overall really funny. I think they did a really good job, I had a hard time taking some of it seriously because I know the guys in the show and it was weird watching them pelvic thrust and stick their asses up and down in the air but whatever, it was funny. It was probably one of the most memorable moments in the show because it was a moment when they boys brought a girl up from the audience and interacted her in the show and that was super awesome (I got to do it for one of the tech nightsJ).

                Soul Sister/No One Mash-Up was done at the beginning of the show as a duet and I’ll just say I wasn’t a fan, I think if that song had to be added, I would have personally used different people. I think they tried too hard for ‘sexy’ and the two people they had just looked awkward together. The Lazy Song was a trio of boys, I only think of the voices actually fit with the song and the other two just threw it off and made it sound bad, I wasn’t a fan. Out of all the performances that was probably my least favorite.

                As much as I hate to say it, I think that I could definitely tell who the director’s favorites were, they got the most stage time and I’m not saying they aren’t talented but I think some of the cast members kind of got the shit end of the stick when it comes to stage time. And maybe it wasn’t a matter of favorites, maybe it was a matter of a talent, I however think that each cast member should have been featured more evenly.

                Overall I thought the performances were lovely, I saw it multiple times so it was good. It is currently being held in consideration for performance at the Kennedy Center American Collegiate Theatre Festival 2013. Part of me hopes it doesn’t go, that isn’t because it wasn’t a great show, I don’t want to have to cut my Christmas Break short to come back and work on this show some more. Yep, I’ll be selfish about it, I only get so much time during the school year to spend with my family and friends back home, I don’t need any less. However, I won’t have to cross that bridge till at least December so baby steps.

                I hope you guys enjoyed my review and stayed tuned for all the posts that I have coming. Feel free to share my blog and comment or let me know what you think through Twitter or whatever. Have a fantabulous day!